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25 Years in Missions- Mauritania

The Mayor, Otis, Jeddon and A Gift from The Lord

When I consider the multitude of amazing stories that come from the past quarter-century in missions, the two-weeks I spent in Mauritania with my friend and shipmate Bruce is one of the most memorable.  The Anastasis was in The Gambia, a small country in West Africa in early 2000. I had the opportunity to go ashore and participate in a ministry activity different than my duties aboard the ship. I was thinking that Bruce and I would ride our motorbikes off into the bush to fix wells or something like that – but that changed one morning when I met a man from Mauritania on the ferry across the river Gambia. Knowing that French is the official language of Mauritania I said “Bon Jour”.  My French is not very good but we had a nice conversation anyway.  As the ferry reached its destination, I thought I would be clever and asked this man to deliver a message to the people of his country;  “Tell them that Jesus loves them” I said.  Mauritania is a closed Muslim country under Sharia law.  I felt pretty good about myself as I started my motorbike and rode off the ferry – that is, till I heard an unmistakably clear voice, almost as if it was audible.  “You go tell them” the voice said. 
 
Since Mauritania is closed to the Gospel, we needed to be wise as we were obtaining our visas at the consulate.  We were strictly tourists as far as the government was concerned.  I had never been in a place that was serious about not permitting missionaries into their country.  It was quite disconcerting but also very exciting especially because I had an Arabic bible that I was planning to smuggle into the country.  We arrived at the airport in Nouakchott, Mauritania and I prayed hard during the hour or so it took us to get through customs and immigration.  I was enormously relieved when the contraband I brought with me was not found.
 
Bruce and I spent several days in Nouakchott visiting some undercover ministries located there.  There are Christians working in every nation on earth, sometimes under the cover of a business or as aid workers.  One of the folks we met with was doing an exciting translation work and had a travel business.  Through him, we rented a pickup truck and driver along with a few hundred liters of fuel in two drums in the bed of the truck. Our destination was about 700 kilometers inland to a place called Chinguetti.  The driver had a very long Arabic name that we could not pronounce, so we called him Bob.  He got used to it and seemed to like his new name.  He didn’t speak English and we didn’t speak Hassaniya Arabic, but he and I both spoke bad French so we got by.  
 
About 80% of Mauritania is Sahara Desert.  After many hot, dusty hours with Bruce and Bob in our Toyota HiLux pickup on dirt/sand roads, we arrived in Chinguetti, the Seventh Holy City of Islam. The walled city was built 777 AD and by the 13th Century was an an important stop along the Salt Route between Mecca and Timbuktu. The ancient city is on one side of the wadi (dry riverbed) and the new village of a few hundred people on the other.  We stayed in the Auberge de Chanteclair, an inn catering to the few tourists who make this trip into the middle of literally nowhere.   
 
After a great night sleep, we met Jeddon a young man in his 20s who gave us a tour of the old city after breakfast.  It was fascinating to say the least.  No velvet ropes!  Many of the buildings had crumbled but others had been preserved by the desert.  The bibliothèque (library) was still intact with various scrolls on mathematics, astronomy, and other subjects on the shelves.  I asked Jeddon if there were any scrolls about Issa (Jesus, considered a prophet in Islam). Jeddon said he thought there had been some but they had been moved to the museum in Nouakchott.  He showed us some other scrolls.  We held scrolls that were at least 600 years old in our hands! 
 
After the truly mind blowing experience at the bibliothèque we walked across the wadi to the new side of the city/village where we met who we thought was the mayor of the town.  As it turns out, he was not the mayor but he was a camel driver.  He offered to take us to an oasis far to the northwest of Chinguetti in the morning.  Of course, we accepted with enthusiasm.  The next morning we woke up early and made our way to where “The Mayor” told us to meet him.  Three camels awaited us and Bruce named his camel Otis.  Bruce is a pretty big guy and Otis was quite verbally unhappy that Bruce was chosen to ride him.  Finally, with much snorting, grunting, wincing and what was unmistakably camel cuss words, Otis was able to stand up with Bruce smiling on his back.  It was hard not to laugh hysterically but I somehow managed.  
 
Now, imagine the scene as Bruce, the Mayor and I were cruising across the Sahara Desert on camels, wearing our keffiyehs (Bedouin head coverings) toward an oasis. By 10am, it was 118 degrees.  Around noon we arrived and the Mayor dismounted next to some date palms and motioned for us to do the same.  He took the blanket off his camel and spread it out on the sand under the shade of the trees.  He reached into a small cloth bag and pulled out a handful of nuts and tossed them on the blanket.  We didn’t have any language in common but it was clear that he wanted us to take a rest on the blanket.  What he did next was something that I will never forget.  He pulled out a wooden bowl and from his bag he emptied something like flour.  He had a whole goat tied to his camel that had been emptied of its insides. It made a great water carrying bag!  He untied the cord around the end of one of the goat’s legs and poured water into the bowl.  He mixed the concoction and formed it into what looked like a large pancake.  He buried it in the sand. Then he pulled some of the bark from a date palm and arranged it in a small pile on top of the buried pancake.  I have to say that I was a bit disappointed that in order to start the fire, he pulled out a Bic lighter.  After a few minutes he moved the fire off to the side, uncovered the buried pancake, turned it over, reburied it and moved the fire back in place.  Not long later he extinguished the fire and retried the now burnt bread.  He scraped off the burned portion with a pocket knife, broke the bread and handed it to Bruce and I.  It was the best bread I have ever had; not because of how it tasted. 
 
The Mayor then, pointing at the blanket, said in English “sleep” as he mounted his camel and rode off into the desert.  Bruce was out in seconds but I just had to explore.  I climbed to the top of the nearest sand dune.  From this vantage point, I could see dune after dune after dune in every direction. After climbing down and back up again on about four more dunes, I was confident that I was on the highest one in the area.  I got to thinking about the sheer number of grains of sand before my eyes.  Many scriptures speaking of grains of sand came to mind.  I considered how few Christians would be within 1000 miles of where I was standing with Western Sahara and Morocco to the northwest, Algeria to the north, and Mali to the east and southeast.  Even though I was in many ways very alone, I felt the presence of the Lord in profound ways.  I began to shout out all the names of God that I could think of as loudly as I could.  I dropped to my knees in the sand and wept.  Profound is a word that does not come close to describing the hour I spent on top of that sand dune.  
 
As I stood and turned to retrace my steps, it became clear that the breeze had covered my tracks.  Nonetheless I found my way back to the oasis where Bruce was just waking up. As I shared my experience with him, the Mayor returned, retrieved his blanket and we made our way back to the village. Otis complained but not as much as when he first met Bruce.  
 
The next morning I was in the small room we had rented. I was gathering my things as we were headed back toward Nouakchott that day.  My pack was laying on the floor as Jeddon came into the room. A small tool bag had fallen out of the top of my pack and Jeddon asked about it as he had never seen tools like the little ratcheting screwdriver I had. As we were talking I had the unmistakable feeling that my prayers about who to give the Arabic Bible I had smuggled into the country were about to be answered.  Bruce and I had an agreement that we would make the decision together since we would both be punished if it was discovered by the authorities.  As Jeddon and I were talking, Bruce walked in.  He and I locked eyes and he knew exactly what I was suggesting without a word being said.  He smiled and nodded with approval.  I reached into my pack and unzipped the ‘secret’ compartment where I had stashed the bible.  I handed the book to Jeddon.  He said in French, “Is this a gift to me from you”? I thought about it and replied “no, this is a gift to you from God”.  Jeddon opened the book to a random portion and began to read out loud.  He happened to open to the book of Matthew.  As he read, he began to read faster and more loudly.  He was clearly excited to be reading this book, perhaps because he recognized some of the characters such as Abraham or perhaps the Holy Spirit was knocking on his door.  A tear rolled down my cheek and a gentle smile formed across my lips as I saw Jeddon holding the living Word of God in his hands and reading His words aloud.  Wow.  
 
 
What did I learn?
J.R.R. Tolkien knew what he was talking about when he had Bilbo say to Frodo “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”    
  
What did I take away from this story?
When we are faithful, willing, and available, amazing things can happen.   
 
How can this story be applied to your own life?
What is our job as Christians?  Missionaries?  Go save people, right?  No, people don’t save other people, that is God’s work.  Recalling this story reminds me to listen to The Lord and do what He says.  Sometimes, we are blessed to see the fruit of the work and have the opportunity to pray with someone to receive Jesus.  Sometimes we plant seeds and most of the time we water those that have already been planted.  I was blessed to plant some seeds in Chinguetti, Mauritania.  I have no idea how far the gift of that bible has gone and might reach.  I may never know.  And that’s okay.  
 

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25 Years in Missions!

What do a Barbie, a barrel and a dream have in common?

I know, funny title for our first look back over 25 years in missions. Let me give you some context. Being raised in the church from a young age, missionaries came and went. Seeing missionaries during the 60’s and 70’s was, let’s just say… perplexing. As a young girl, I was always drawn to and intrigued by their slides, projected on the screen of faraway lands and enchanting faces starring back at me. What confused me was the way in which the church embraced missionaries while on their furloughs. The notion of the “clothing barrel” for missionaries, unbeknownst to me was etched forever in my impressible young heart. Frankly, don’t judge me, missionaries were scary looking (think 70’s decade). Unkempt and wearing used clothes didn’t compare to the polished, gleaming white starched button down that our pastor wore every Sunday. What I didn’t know, the “used tea bag” mentality was firmly established in me, colliding with the hint of a dream that someday, I too could go to distant lands. 
 
Fast forward 30 years, Chris and I and our very young kiddos were embarking upon a journey of a lifetime. Selling our house and its contents, cramming all our earthly belongings into 10 duffel bags, thankfully a 70-pound limit, back in the day helped with our packing. Saying goodbye to family and friends and seeing those slideshow faces of yesteryear slowly coming back into focus was our new reality. It’s hard to adequately share the full throttle of feelings one has when the unknown beckons, but the familiar is still present. In the midst of the excitement and sheer terror (on a bad day) of leaving, I’m met with my first collision of my little girl thoughts and the fireside room of my childhood church with those missionaries and my adult self where coming head-to-head, without me even knowing it.

I’m compelled, no… I’m drawn to a purposeful and calculated mama bear moment.  Remember, we are in the deep end of the pool of letting go of our quaint suburban life, (picket fence included) to live overseas and be full time missionaries.  Out of the many tasks we had to do to get ready, one stands out like it was yesterday. I buy a barbie doll for my then, 1 year daughter. There, I said it. Yep, a barbie doll. For a 1-year-old. What was I thinking? Well, a lot, actually. Little did I know, I was acting on the premise that I didn’t want our kids to go without; subconsciously feeling that a used missionary barrel somehow would be shoved into our children’s chubby little hands filled with broken, used rusted out toys on our first return from serving overseas. In buying this toy, my thoughts are… “I will save the barbie for when our daughter is older, so she will have something to play with.”  This thought, was implanted in my naïve little heart way back when, somehow believing that God doesn’t fully care for or limits those called to serve as missionaries!!!  He doesn’t look after us like He does my pastor at the pulpit. He looks after those here in the good old U S of A…. but limits Himself to those serving Him. I wanted to protect my kids, save them from what I had so ill perceived, that God was withholding, being cheap and not looking after ALL His flock. It took me years to connect the dots of the “barbie”. I always felt God’s presence, had read scripture, seen God at work in our lives countless times, knowing that He is Faithful.  When I really got the fuller revelation of the barbie doll (could have been any toy for any of our kids) it literally transformed the way I viewed God and viewed myself as a missionary. In any walk of life or season, all of us can have a tendency to think in terms of God being limited verses unlimited. Of God being our everything, verses our flesh stating the opposite. 
 
For years it bothered me to have those confusing memories of my church and what I saw when a missionary came through the door. What once was painful, became a forever life defining moment in how God used that experience to lead me to continually expand this profound yet challenging truth…

 DON’T PUT GOD IN A BOX

By putting Him in any number of boxes, (in my case barrels, lol)  we are the ones who are limited, not truly seeing His power and majesty. So, break open the box, destroy the box, burn the box and watch and see how the Lord can work in and though you.  

What did I learn?

Recognizing that I had a belief from a young age, that distorted my view of God, that contradicted what I knew deep down, and was taught and I understood of God…yes even at a young age.      

What did I take away from this story?

I believe that experience as a kid and the buying of the barbie as a 30-year-old, brought about in me, a foundation and springboard to one of the greatest platforms I still have and use today as a counselor, that as every day folk, we have a choice, a choice to see and understand who God is, to believe God is who He says He is. All the time, and in all things.     

How can this story be applied to your own life?

Understand what you believe (theology) by intentionally pursuing a relationship with God. If you sense there were or are life changing moments in your life, big or small- talk to the Lord, connect with a counselor, unpack it and get your heart right. Don’t hold onto fear, anger and be stubborn with issues of forgiving another or your self.Stand true, in that choice of no matter how you are feeling, God can use you, woo you and sees you.  Take a leap of faith, dream a little deeper, be a little bolder, take a chance on something new. Chris and I are just ordinary people. If we can do it, so can you. 

A big shout out to our barrel and barbie busting church of over 25 years. To our friend Pastor Steve, you never put us in a box, never limited Chris and I in all our crazy adventures these 25 years. To Pastor Corey and the elders, thank you for truly letting missionaries do as God intends. To listen and obey to the call on our lives to serve Him.  
 

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25 Years in Missions!!


25 Years in Missions!



Remember. Rejoice. Realize. 

Even before you begin something, you can imagine what it might be like as you look into the future – just as we did back in 1997 when we were brand new missionaries. And when you have been doing that thing for a long time, you can take the opportunity to remember as we are now doing 25 years later. Early on, we adopted three words that we still believe mark our mindset, disposition, hopes and dreams: Faith. Life. Adventure. As we remember the truly amazing adventure we have lived by faith, we are acutely aware that it is a combination of our own choices and obedience and the love and prayers of so many who have walked alongside us, that have opened so many doors and continue to bless and encourage us.  Remember with us as we share some of our memories of the past 25 years throughout this coming year. 

Joy is not dependent on context like happiness is. The joy that is ingrained in us is deep and rich. Considering the past quarter century, sometimes the stormy seas were immensely rough and life was hard, other times smooth sailing and sunny skies allowed us to breath deeply without straining or striving. Rejoice with us as we recount some of the ups and downs of the past 25 years over this next year.

Think about the feeling you get when you finally see something clearly, below the surface, like the moral of an Aesop’s Fable, the punchline of a joke or the resolution of the convoluted plot-line of a movie.  The revelation is as refreshing as it is exciting isn’t it? As we think about the many experiences we have had all over the world, the depth and meaning of the time we have spent with people from many backgrounds, languages and worldviews, is something that we rarely realize until some time has passed and the deeper meaning sets in. Perhaps, over this next year, the messages we will be sending you with highlights of our missions experience will be a catalyst for you to realize some of the deeper meaning in your relationships and experiences with others as well.  

Chris and Lynn


Here is a snap shot of some of the events that shaped our last 25 years.
Be on the lookout for stories coming your way soon. 

Prior to April 1997
We lived in Kirkland, WA,  had three little kiddos (ages 4,2,1), Chris had a good job as the captain on a large yacht, Lynn was a stay at home mom with her own photography business and we were very active in church; life was great. 

April -August 1997
Discipleship Training School with Mercy Ships in Texas and outreach in Trinidad. 

October-November 1997
Chris aboard the Caribbean Mercy as a deck officer for a trip through the Panama Canal.

January – December 1998
Family aboard the Island Mercy in the Pacific from New Zealand to the Philippines and many island nations in between. Chris as a deck officer and Lynn as photographer and mom. 

1999-2003
Family aboard the Anastasis- South Africa, West Africa, Europe. Chris as deck officer and Lynn in the International school, DTS staff, photographer and mom. 2003-2006
Transition from Mercy Ships to the founding of YWAM Destination Paradise. Chris served as the Technical Training Director for Mercy Ships in Texas for 15 months while Chris and Lynn worked on Destination Paradise off the ground. Then the family moved to Washington State to continue building the foundation for Destination Paradise. 

2006-2016
YWAM DP throughout the Caribbean aboard sailing catamarans. Added a training campus on land in Belize. 

2010
Chris’ head injury in Belize on a family excursion. 

2016
Transition away from YWAM DP to University of the Nations, Kona, Hawaii.

2016-2022…
In Kona Hawaii where Lynn is a Biblical Counselor, Hospital Chaplain, Postpartum Doula and several other ministries. Chris is involved with Biblical Innovations. Lynn and Chris continue to teach with YWAM.Copyright © 2022 Chris and Lynn Toney, All rights reserved.
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365 Days

February 1, 2022

As February 1st fast approaches, layers of emotions, adrenaline and thoughts propel both Chris and I, to dig a little deeper, seek after the Lord further and to continue to keep our heads above the water. February 1st represents the day that our son Josh departed and never came back. 
 
We are asking those that have been on this journey with us to join in a more concerted prayer covering around the time of February 1st. Let me share a few thoughts and then go to prayer points at the end. I do want to convey that our journey is our journey. There are some of you who are going through way bigger and stronger trials, and we don’t want to minimize your grief and sorrow but felt to share thoughts about ours in the hope of bearing witness to God in who He is and who we should cling to in times of uncertainty. 
 
It is difficult to articulate precise words and thoughts that come from the last 365 days that Josh has been missing.  It is difficult to share a parent’s concern, worry and confusion. It is difficult to describe the emotional spectral ride we have been on this year. At the same time when words are hard to come by, faith flows like water from a stream when it comes to God’s presence, His comfort and His love to us as a family. God is and has been very real and very tangible. 
 
Let me give you more context to February 1st. Josh has lived away from us since the age of 16; forging his own path and his own life. After leaving Belize, first was Canada, then as a Marine for 5 years and lastly living in Mexico for 2 years.  Josh came to Hawaii at the age of 26 for a stopover for a few months. It was to be a time to seek out new opportunities (jobs or otherwise) and to be near the water which he craved; reminiscent of younger years aboard ships and sailing vessels as a child. Less than 5 months of reunion and being under the same roof does not give adequate time to really know someone, even if that someone is your adult son; especially since Josh was gone a lot, staying out alone for long periods of time.  Josh has always been a world changer, doing things many would say are out of the box actions and thinking. We love him for his spiritedness despite his actions being somewhat unique to North America standards
 
Feb 1st can bring a multitude of quandary. Is it just an anniversary of Josh’s departure and not returning? Is Feb 1st representing another 365 days of wait and no closure? Does Feb 1st have him waltzing through the front door and stating his accomplishment of living off the land for a year? All these question marks are our reality.  Of course, the latter outcome would be most wonderful, but his return creates another layer of depth in seeking clarity and understanding in the midst of the celebration. 
 
There are two main areas where for me, the processing has been the most profound and real. Two areas that we have wrestled with these past 365 days.
 
Grief~
Grief in all our lives is never linear. Whether its loss of life, loss of a dream, of relationships, a pet or loss of a job; the pain is real, tangible and raw. God created us as humans to grieve with purpose; cycles of healing so that our bodies can handle pain and move along a continuum of health, reckoning and ultimately back to life all while living with a tasteless palatable loss. Cycles of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance all vacillating within our being to make sense of griefs reality.  When counseling others over the years with those experiencing tremendous grief, I have often shared a quote to help those make sense of their extreme feelings. “Grief takes time for the heart and the mind to catch up to each other.”  For us, these 365 days hasn’t produced the normal and natural “cycles” of grief. Nor has “time” healed.  I have talked with other colleagues this year, prayed a lot this year but the progression of grief has been challenging to say the least with not having the proper closure one gets with those types of grief I listed above. We don’t have confirmation that Josh is dead or alive… we have no ending… only speculation… unknowns… and uncertainty…! Caught in an unending cycle of yuck. I’ve had death in my life from both my parents passing and loved ones over the years. All those lives lost; acceptance has occurred in due time as my body, soul and spirit has healed. Our journey at this moment in time, is a chasm of heart pain that goes down deep, unending and continuous, leaving the soul exposed; 365 days of unsurmountable sadness.
  
Tension~
Tension can be defined as the state or condition resulting from forces acting in opposition to each other, the state of being stretched tight.  Living life with the constant “tension” of death for your son is rough, while opposing thoughts that he may be alive and that he is truly ok is hard to grapple with. Like a rubber band pulled with extreme pressure, we live in two worlds: living life, loving life and doing God stuff on one hand while having this shadow hanging over us on the other. Our faith and God’s sovereignty work together to enable us to live in pain while still trusting and fully living. God walks beside us in the midst of our pain. The world falsely tells us that life cannot be lived with these two opposing forces at play. With faith, Chris and I fight again that propaganda every day. Tension is even found in the little things. A helicopter sound that I never paid attention too before, makes my mama’s heart accelerate due to search and rescue memories. “Sightings” of Josh as you drive around town: a barefoot guy, a curly haired guy, a sun kissed shirtless guy keeps the tension pulled ever so tightly. We choose to fight for joy even when our hearts beckon to beat otherwise. The enemy and the world want to bring unfathomable pressure, squeezing you till you can’t breathe, removing the air from your lungs.  The Lord brings life, strength and resolve. 
 
Sharing prayer points is… let’s just say complicated. There are a lot of layers of pain yet knowing that God is good. He knows Josh’s where abouts and most importantly knowing that God is with our family’s struggle helps enormously. 
 
Prayer points:That regardless of what Feb 1st brings and its future, The full awareness that God is always near That regardless of knowing or not knowing whether Josh is dead or not…we will be okThat regardless of our circumstances, we will trust… we will trust in the LordThank you for your continued prayers ~Lynn and Chris Thank you so much for being part of missions with us!

Your prayers and financial support are deeply appreciated.

We’d love to hear how you are doing and know how we can prayer with and for you.
Please visit our contact and support info page

May you be blessed as you are indeed a blessing!



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Chris and Lynn Toney · 76-6306 Kaheiau St. · Kailua Kona, HAWAII 96740 · USA 

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Toneys Update August 2021

Isn’t it interesting how the seasons of life we are in can be really great and really tough all at the same time?  We understand this duality very well right now. Our newsletter is our attempt to convey just that. We choose to focus on the great stuff while still acknowledging the not so good stuff. We choose to focus on life even though the uncertainty surrounding our son Josh (is he alive or is he not) is still present. There is much to be thankful for and much needed prayer. May you, in whatever season of life you are going through, choose life. Seek out the Lord, no matter what. We choose JOY. We choose LIFE.

But God, when You choose to leave mountains unmovable
oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

Lyrics to Even If by Mercy Me

Chaplain

You know how the Lord sometimes orchestrates something through your work or ministry that you were never expecting? Well, for me, I had one of those “divine appointments” happen. As we have shared before, our theme of “the net” going deeper and wider in ministry continues to expand as new opportunities to serve comes our way. In addition to counseling to those on staff with YWAM and work within our community (Hospice, Postpartum Doula ministry for moms/newborns) a new ministry role has emerged. Once a week, I have the honor of coming along those who are hurt, sick or in trauma via the volunteer chaplaincy at our local hospital. Out of the various roles I’ve been blessed to do over the years, this one has kept me on my knees and stretched me the most with a deepening reliance and respect in the Lord. Each week as I move from the ER, to the ICU, to the cancer treatment rooms, to the main floors of recovery I’m struck so profoundly on how Jesus’s disciples must have felt, walking among those people in need. Please pray that I represent the Lord through prayer and scripture while coming alongside those who need a prayer, need someone to talk to and those that need to be seen. *Please be praying as the hospital just went on lock down to all visitors due to an increase of COVID cases in our area.

I have thought about the Bible a lot over the years.  Whether traveling and teaching, studying, dissecting various passages, working with Hebrew, Greek or Aramaic, or having quiet times of personal reflection, a consideration of the origins, content, meaning, and impact of the Bible are often on my mind.  This short article brings up some of those thoughts related to a very basic question:

What is the Bible?

That sounds like a simple enough question doesn’t it?  Maybe not. 

These four little words finished with a question mark contain within it, a million other questions that have been asked and answered a million different ways over millennia. On one hand, this question and its derivatives have been the catalyst for unsurmountable strife, wars, confusion, bitterness, anger, struggle and anguish – and on the other hand the source of much peace, unity, understanding, clarity and hope. On both hands there has been and remains much passion, conviction, and emotion. Many have made uncovering the answer their life’s work. Many others believe they have the answer and are fervently committed to the outcome they believe flows from their understanding; whatever that answer is. Still others, perhaps many throughout the world with wealth enough to travel, simply believe that the Bible is a book written by some guy named Gideon that they notice (or used to see) in a drawer of a hotel room.  Others couldn’t care less.  

Confronted with such a range of possible answers to this seemingly simple question, what are we to do?   Some say, the Bible is a book of love; that sounds good.  Others are quite adamant that it’s a book all about judgement and hate; shouldn’t we honor the opinions of others in 2021- a time in history when acceptance of others is (or seems to be) rather prevalent.  Still other people say that the Bible is: just a collection of stories; a long list of rules; a great hoax; a book left by aliens; good text to steal, change a little bit and start a new religion; the truth; a lie; confusing; the source of hope; and the list goes on and on.  Shall we pick the answer we like best? Shall we pick the one that the people we like believe is true? Shall we pick an answer that makes us feel good or that we think is right or that we don’t think is wrong? Is the answer relevant? Does it matter?  

I should be able to answer that question, right? I’ve been a missionary for 25 years and have a couple of masters degrees in theology and biblical languages.  I can give good answers from a number of perspectives including historical, theological, exegetical, logical, philosophical and practical but in the end, the real answer to the question “what is the Bible?” very much depends on all the other stuff that is behind and intertwined in the question by the asker.  My own experience and education mean nothing if I don’t choose to open my eyes, ears and heart to the person asking the question.  But then, are they, in fact,  actually asking? – or do they already have an answer. Most of the time, people already have an answer.  

Do you have an answer to the question, “what is the Bible?” Why do you believe the way you do about it?  What is behind and intertwined in the question for you? Have you given it much thought?  Have other people asked you this question?  What did you tell them? What would you tell someone who asks you this afternoon? Would your answer be the same today is it might have been 5 years ago? Is there only one answer to this question?  

William (Cameron) Adrianne and Family

Exciting news with the birth of grandbaby number 2. Vienna Marcelle Toney. Born in a rather exciting fashion May 21.Will delivered baby at their house, with labor being just under one hour, the midwife came 30 minutes after thier speedy delivery. Adrianne and Vienna are doing great. Will a brave Daddy is awesome and Cylas, (17 months) is an amazing big brother. All adjusting well to being a family of four. William (29), just started a new job (remotely) as a systems analyst for a company called Engine Impact. He is doing property management with a technical emphasis on application development and troubleshooting. What a blessing for this new role as it allows Adrienne to stay home with their amazing kiddos.

Jessie and Garrett

A time of celebration with the recent engagement of Jessie, our youngest and only daughter. Plans are already in the works with a summer wedding in July of 2022.  We are so thrilled to be welcoming Garrett into our growing family. Here are some pictures from their engagement (in Leavenworth WA) and their engagement photo in HI. Jessie (25) continues to work at Fairfax hospital which is on the east side of Seattle. A number of months ago Jessie switched jobs within the hospital with more responsibility. She is currently the coordinator for release of information through the health information department.

Josh

With births and engagements in our family, there is much to celebrate. And yet, there continues to be sadness since Josh (27) has been missing for 6 months, since Feb 1st. What you see below are the pictures from Josh’s official missing persons report that we filed the week Josh went missing. As you can imagine, that is not something any parents wants to do. Details and the timeline of events can be read in previous updates. There has been, and continues to be an outpouring of support and prayer within this difficult season of tremendous unknowns. Your prayers have carried us in our hardest days. You asking about him via calls, emails and texts have been such a blessing as he is not forgotten while we wait and see…Please keep praying and please keep asking. Along with the rest of our family, we are hopeful that soon we will  have answers to his whereabouts either way .   

Where is YWAM in the World?

Evangelize. Disciple. Send. 

We love the diversity of our missions. People from all walks of life ministering all over the world within the many spheres of society. YWAM Taipei is meeting people with a need for connection and relationship. The Rock Cafe, established in 1996 has been serving coffee for free for over 35 years. Providing ministry in their local community. From English classes to bible studies.. a church has been planted. Now, more than ever with the pandemic still creating seclusion and disconnect this vital ministry counties to bear fruit as the Taipeinesse people are shown practically, relationally  and spiritually… Christ. 

It is a small world after all… ! Sugi Mulyono and his lovely wife serve with YWAM Taipei. The small world factor is that Sugi served with us during our Mercy Ships days in the late 1990’s.

Palm Crosses
A while back we did a project of making handmade crosses from the amazing Koa wood, grown here in HI. We spent many hours sanding and waxing; a labor of love. This palm cross can be displayed, have on a table or my favorite- to interact with. This “palm” cross fits perfectly in your hand for prayer and meditation.  They are smooth and natural so they feel great curled in your hand. We have a few left over. If you are interested in one, please email Lynn (lynn@toneys.com). We would love to send you one, while supplies last!!!

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Josh is Alive!

For the past two months, the myriad of agonizing possibilities we have pondered regarding Josh’s disappearance essentially boiled down to two primary questions: Is he alive or is he dead?  We came to the place where we realized that we may never know the answer and attempted to make peace with that.  You may wrestle with whether it is coincidence, fate or an answer to prayer but we now have clear evidence that Josh is alive.  

We wish we had more answers than we still have questions but that is not so.  What we do know is this.  Two months ago, Josh left his scooter at the trailhead leading into the northernmost of seven remote valleys comprising of hundreds of square miles in the northern part of the Big Island of Hawaii. With the exception of the most southern valley, access is only possible on foot or by helicopter.  There are a very few structures scattered throughout the valleys left from the days when sugarcane was prominent in Hawaii. Crops were irrigated by water from the valleys.   These cabins are now sometimes used by helicopter tour companies and by a few others such as department of land and natural resources workers.  

Within the past week, Josh entered one of these cabins deep in one of the valleys and left behind several pages containing some thoughts and ideas in his handwriting.  There is no doubt whatsoever that the author is Josh.  The papers were found three days ago by a helicopter pilot who photographed them.  A week before another helicopter pilot was at the same cabin and the papers were not there.  The photographs were seen by a friend who works at the helicopter company familiar with Josh’s disappearance and recognized Josh’s birthday written on one of the pages along with several other clues as to the identity of the writer.  He shared the photos of the papers with us and there is no question at all, they were written by Josh.  

We are overjoyed that we are able to definitively answer one of the two primary questions we have been asking for the past two months.  Josh is alive!  While half of the myriad of agonizing possibilities we have been pondering are now resolved, the other half still remains.  Half of a myriad is still a myriad.  

So many have been praying, wondering, being frustrated, confused and hoping along with us. Thank you so much for your continued thoughts and prayers!

Josh is alive… we hope to see him soon!  

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Update on Josh

A mixture of emotions swirls around you in a constant state of chaos, like a storm raging as it passes through. It is hard to grasp and yet be totally amazed at how your mind can hold to a state of quandary: simultaneously opposing thoughts and emotions while your heart and soul try to make sense of it all.      

We are at day 34, a month and a few days have now passed since Josh’s departure. Uncertainty, unknowing and unclarity are present companions to us both.    

As I sit, frankincense streams out of the diffuser; gifted to us in our time of need. Used for grief the scent is comforting and calming in the midst of the storm. We are reminded of the 3 wise men who came to bring gifts to the King. We too, ask for wisdom with each day that passes. We also have received the “gift” of God’s tangible presence; the gift of unceasing prayers, text messages and emails from all over this vast world. Words and thoughts can never truly convey how much these prayers have meant and will continue to carry us in the days ahead. Thank you… 

On a clear night, often times we will look up and ask the question “do you see the same stars we see tonight?” Vacillating between two opposing and clashing thoughts: the possible reality that you are dead is gut wrenching, while still having hope that you are alive and wanting to live an “off grid”, adventuresome life (as you have done your whole life) while living off the land.  These two realities are real possibilities and very tangible. The truth is, we may never know the answer to the question “where is Josh?”…

Can we stay in hope? Yes. Can we trust the Father when there are no answers? Yes. Can we live life with not ever knowing? Yes.

Sadly, we have no news to report. Official search and rescue is done. Volunteer search and rescue (activated 2 weeks ago) have no news. Our nephew Kyle (who is an avid hiker) and his friend hiked up to 5 of the 7 valleys, finding nothing. Police have no leads.   

A friend shared, very profoundly, that she has “never used this sort of prayer muscles before….”

As believers, we know how to pray for those who have cancer, for those in difficult relationships, or hard family situations but this, like so many of you have expressed, this is new. We do not know nor have we ever experienced someone we know personally going through “a missing person” scenario.

We are all trying to learn how to pray, what to pray, for this season of unknown. When we don’t know what to do, pray or say… we simply can say, “but you know Lord.”

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Where’s Josh?

For years after Josh left from Belize to work on the wheat fields and then roofing in Canada and afterward join the Marine Corps, many in Belize asked “Where’s Josh”? It seemed like everyone we met asked that question. Now we are all asking it again.

After five years in the Marines and over two years in Mexico, Josh (26 years old) came to live with us here in Kailua Kona Hawaii this past August. It has been in many respects amazing to have him with us and sometimes rather enigmatic. For example, he has some interesting ideas and can be just difficult to understand. Josh likes adventure. Since being with us in Hawaii, it has not been uncommon for him to go on “walkabouts” (hikes) for up to a week at a time. He likes to go alone with minimal provisions (not the way we would do it).

Josh has talked about hiking all seven valleys on the North-northeast part of Hawaii Island, under the oldest of the Big Island’s five volcanic peaks. Hiking all seven valleys is a feat not often achieved especially since a large earthquake in 2006 dramatically changed the topography in one of the valleys making it incredibly difficult to pass.

On Monday morning, February 1st, Josh announced that he was headed out. I (Chris) asked him where he was headed and he simply and innocently said “I’ve told you where I am going”. I found this riddle interesting and didn’t immediately know what he was talking about – nor do I now, almost three weeks later.

The day after Josh headed out on his scooter, I (Chris) had my weekly neuro-feedback appointment in a part of the island known as Kohala, the same area where Josh had hiked into the valleys in the past. After my appointment, I rode my motorcycle out to the Pololu Valley Lookout and as I guessed might be the case, found Josh’s scooter near the trailhead. I took photos of the scooter, paused and prayed over Josh from the majestic viewpoint atop the northern wall of Pololu Valley and rode home.

The following Tuesday, just a week later than I had photographed the scooter at the trailhead, a friend went out there confirmed that the scooter was still there. The next day, we went to the Kona Police Station and had a conversation with an officer there about the situation. It was not strange for Josh to be gone for a number of days at a time but it was now definitely longer than we had grown accustomed to- concern began to creep in. We learned that there are essentially two types of police reports that can be filed in this type of situation, one an internal police report (BOLO – be on the look out) or a public missing person’s report which involves a media release and opens the door for cross departmental cooperation between police, fire, coast guard and others.

We knew that there were many possibilities for the way the question “where’s Josh?” could be answered and we sincerely did not know which of them may be true. Many possibilities were equally conceivable. We decided to go ahead and ask the police to issue a BOLO and we would continue to pray, talk, consider and wonder. We asked the officer’s suggestion on what to do with the scooter and he suggested that we go get it because there would be a high probability it would be stolen if left there much longer. The next morning, Chris went back to the lookout with Kyle, Josh’s cousin who loves and spends much time on the Big Island. I compared the scooter’s location to the photos I had taken ten days earlier and it appeared to be identical in placement. Kyle drove the scooter home.

The same day Chris and Kyle went to pick up the scooter, day eleven since Josh headed out from our house, Chris and Lynn visited the Kona Fire Station and spoke to the Captain about search and rescue. We learned much and even though we were not sure that Josh was even in the valleys, felt it was appropriate to request help and initiate a search. We made the appropriate phone calls and shortly afterward, the Battalion Chief (BC) called and we talked about the plan.

That same day, a Hawaii Fire Department helicopter with rescue personnel on board did an extensive air search along the coast and up into each of the valleys. They landed at several of the cabins scattered throughout the valleys to see if anyone had been in then recently. After several hours, they returned to their base and the BC called us with the news that they had turned up nothing. We had learned that an extensive search is typically done over three days. Over the next three days, approximately 850 man hours were spent in the valleys with air, ground and sea searches by personnel from three different rescue companies of the Hawaii Fire Department. They searched the most hiked trails, as well as off the beaten path. . The command post near the Pololu Valley Lookout included a fuel tanker truck to refuel the helicopters. The total land area between Pololu and Waipio Valleys is hundreds of square miles of steep, dense terrain with no infrastructure outside of Waipio. There is water and many fruit trees so it is possible to survive for a long time, but not without difficulty. After three full days of search and rescue plus the extensive air search the day prior to the full search and rescue operations, and no sign of Josh whatsoever, the BC reluctantly; with much honor and respect to us, suggested that we call off the search unless additional evidence surfaced so they would know better where to look. We agreed.

Today is the 18th day since Josh left the house. There are many possibilities we can imagine and have not committed to any of them since there is very little factual information we have to go on.

  • He may have attempted the seven valleys
  • If he attempted the valleys, he may not want to be found
  • If he attempted the valleys, he may have completed them and / or found friends and is hanging with them
  • If he attempted the valleys, he may be hurt and need help
  • If he attempted the valleys, he may have taken a path far from any regular trail and out of range of the searchers
  • He may be happily chilling in a hammock somewhere
  • He may have fallen, broken an ankle and could not move, gotten hypothermia and died.
  • Perhaps he will just show up someday.
  • Perhaps we will never know and Monday February 1, 2021 is the last time we will have ever seen him.

Where’s Josh? We have no idea.

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Toneys Update November 2020

Chris and Lynn Toney


In one of the strangest years in memory, life and ministry goes on for us and we are thriving. Here’s a bit of a look into our lives for Fall 2020.  Blessings!  

Celebrating Life and Death 
Months and months before leaving Belize back in 2015 there was much in the way of preparations for handing over our mantel as base leaders, restructuring staff roles, rebuilding a new way of leadership as plans where underway for us personally. A couple things where really clear and that stood out to me within my quiet times in hearing God. One, I was to get more certifications for my role as counselor to YWAM staff. Second, was the feeling/sense that in addition to counseling, I would somehow work with the very young and the very old. The Lord has helped me orchestrate two beautiful and two very distinct ministry roles coming to pass during 2020. What was spoken many years ago, has finally come to pass.
 
Dou·la (do͞olə) Life. 
Defined in the ancient Greek, meaning “the women who serves”.
    
I have the joy to provide emotional, physical and informational support to women in the later part of their pregnancy and postpartum; once baby is born. With Covid and doors closing within ministry, a new door and ministry opportunity swung wide open. I have been able to be trained as a postpartum doula for the mamas in our community. This role intertwines not only counseling which I love but hands on practical support to women and their newborn babies during their most fragile, yet exciting time of life.
 ___________________________________________________________________ 
Hos·pice (häspəs) Celebration of life in death.

Hospice provides compassionate care for people in the last phases of incurable diseases and end of life care.. Patients at the Nakamaru Hale residency home have taught me so much about being present, to talk story, to pray with, to ease their suffering, support family members and to truly cherish a person in their final days. Words cannot convey how this role as volunteer has touched and impacted me personally. Christ was the example for us all to show… Care. Comfort. Compassion. Newness of life in a newborn and its mama and life celebrated as we pass onto into eternity. We have reassurance and can take great consolation in knowing God sees us in every moment, every season and every aspect of our lives. 
   
Isaiah 32:17: “The work of righteousness will be peace, and the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever.”YWAM is 60!In December this year, Youth With a Mission is celebrating 60 years of listening to the Lord and doing what He says; transforming nations and individuals, serving, loving, teaching, equipping, proclaiming, and co-creating with God in every nation on the planet.  Our journey in missions has seen us intimately and enthusiastically involved with YWAM by land, sea and air in over 100 nations for nearly 25 of YWAM’s 60 years! We hope and pray that we are being a bright light in the darkness as we bring hope, comfort, peace and love around the world. Jesus said, “as the Father has sent me, so I am sending you.” John 20:21. We invite you to take a moment and praise God with us for this wonderful global family and powerful, transformational ministry.
 


Counseling During a Pandemic
People often ask me if my role as counselor has changed much due to the COVID-19 crisis that has rocked all of us throughout the world.  The answer is, “let’s just say, it’s complicated in a simple sort of way”.  Let me explain. The biggest thing I am seeing is that so often, we go about life, on cruise control.  We have our routines, our schedules, what we like, how we pray, who we see, how we recreate, where we go to church… All of those represent our “normal”.  With stressors like COVID, we are forced to create a “new normal.” molasses brain and a fatigue we cannot shake are common, which is exhausting. Our cruise control isn’t on cruise anymore as there are new things on the road, having us to expend more energy, more thinking that effects the realms of mental, emotional and spiritual processes. Can I share something with you? It’s what I tell so many staff who are wrestling with the same things. What you’re feeling, what you’re going through, and how your body and mind are responding is normal. You are not alone. Give yourself permission to be ok with what is happening! God is at work in this season, more than you can ever imagine.

 
As we are all experiencing, COVID seeps into every aspect of our lives; bubbling just under the surface; sometimes very subtle, yet always in our faces. Much like spiritual warfare, we know it’s happening all around us, (like COVID) but we don’t always want to see, engage or know what to do…so we don’t do anything and we get stuck. COVID is out of our control, out of arms reach but we still have to engage it on an everyday basis. But I want to encourage you, like I do with those who I see in counseling. You can get through this season, by leaning on Gods strength, to come against weariness and see where the Lord, your circles of fellowship/friends and good old getting down to a “new normal” gets you back on track. We need an extra measure of strength in these unsettled times. 
The book of Ephesians, has three richly distinct sections, that we can use to bring definition to our fatigued minds. 
 
Who is God? (Eph 1: 17-21) We pray.  We remind ourselves that God is good, loving, just and kind We sit in His presence. We sit at His feet. Before we can walk or stand, we sitWe sit when we are tired, resting and giving our cares over to the LordWhat do I believe about God? (Eph 4:1, Eph 5:8,10)He will never leave me, nor forsake me.We gain strength (sit) so we can begin to walk8 times the word walk is in the book of EphesiansWe build our confidence in Him, with every step we takeThe Holy Spirit’s power enables us to walk worthyHow do I take the Theology of Truth? (Eph 6:10)Greek word for stand means to hold your groundJesus has done the fight for us, our job it to keep what is oursI will choose to trust God, no matter the battleSitting with Christ. Walking with Him. Standing for Him.
 
In any crisis including COVID, we can have a tendency to have fears and doubts. I truly believe that God is okay with all of our strong emotions.  It is our responsibility to avoid becoming “stuck” in the swirl of the mess we face and to rely on the Lord of Lords to usher in “newness” each and every day.  We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed (Heb 10:39). Stand tall..


Engaging Conversations
Chris is hard at work with the SourceView Bible Project.  This fantastic YWAM work has brought the first significant format change to scripture in over 500 years!  We are all familiar with the “book, chapter, verse” format of God’s word, but the scriptures did not have chapters or verses until the 12th Century AD. 

When you spend time reading the bible and really getting into the stories, you will see that a great portion of what is written is dialogue – conversations between people.  The format the bible is currently found in, does not reveal these conversations vividly and much of the power, interesting takes, character development and overall storyline is lost amidst the dust that is collected as the bible sits on the shelf.  

The SourceView Bible brings a thrilling change to the way we read the bible – it comes alive!  We have not changed any of the words of scripture – they are God’s after all.  But we have changed the format into something very familiar to most of the world.  Also, color distinguishes the type of speaker:  Black is the Narrator; Red is God; Green is the lead character in that book; and Blue is everyone else.  Here’s a look at Luke 5:8-13.
Our team has enlisted the help of a great many dedicated folks from many nations and are diligently “Sourcifying” the scriptures into many languages and in many different versions.  Each language also has extensive introductions and a great deal of additional material available in it – but the main focus is scripture, not supporting material.  

With Chris’ background in the original languages of the bible, his focus has been on Hebrew and Greek. in addition to working to promote bible engagement, there are still over 1400 languages in the world that have no portion of scripture translated into it – meaning that there are still millions of people who cannot read or hear God’s work in their heart language.  The SourceView bible has become an invaluable tool in the translation of the Bible due to the high engagement of the narrative and ground breaking innovations in oral translation. Here is that same passage from above in Luke, done in Greek:
 
And Jonah chapter 3 in Hebrew:
Needless to say, Chris’ work with SourceView Bile is quite fulfilling and has a global and everlasting impact.  


Where is YWAM in the World: Mongolia (Update)

In our last newsletter update, we told you about a worldwide effort to give the Scriptures to every person in the country of Mongolia.  Scores of dedicated women, men, young and old scoured that beautiful nation bringing hope in the form of God’s word in many different formats.  Have a look at a short video that might inspire you, as it has thousands of others, to share God’s Word with everyone, everywhere.  
  
End Bible Poverty Now is a collaborative global ministry of YWAM, Wycliffe, SIL, SBC, CRU, Faith Comes by Hearing, United Bible Society, Tyndale, and thousands of ministries, bible translators, churches, bible societies, and others united with a mandate to enable every person on earth to be able to read or hear the Word of God in their mother tongue. Part of this task is to bring the bible to all people everywhere.  Another is to see that God’s Word is translated into every mother tongue on the planet. There are still a little over 1400 languages on earth that have no portion of scripture translated and End Bible Poverty Now will bring this number down to 0!
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What’s Up With This Cat?


1
“The discussion in my head continues” 

In one way or another, I have thought about it for each of the past three thousand, six hundred and fifty days.  Ten years ago, today, I fell from a horse – and everything changed.  As I write now, I ask myself, “Is that true? Has everything changed?”  In answer to myself, I say, “define everything… what specifically has changed?”  The discussion in my head continues as it has many times, leading to “what really happened?”  For me, the significance of reality as a theme I would be wrestling with as I healed, came when I was told, “there was no cat.” More on that later. It is interesting to note that the inception of thinking deeply on matters ontological began long before having a traumatic brain injury.
 
Until I got my first car mid-way through my sophomore year in high school, I walked the mile or so to school.  One day, as I walked across the girls’ soccer field on the way to the band room, I heard what I imagined were gunshots in the woods off to my left.  I stopped, and for the first time I can remember, pondered on the nature of reality; were they gunshots? Was I shot? How many dimensions are there in the universe?  Was I shot in one dimension but not in the one I was in; but had a glimpse into a different reality by hearing the shots?”  My 15-year-old brain was in full gear. 
 
2
“It was not a little exhilarating” 
I have often recalled that day back in ’82 but never more clearly than in late July 2010.  It had been perhaps six-weeks since Lynn, the kids and I had driven in a rented car to Western Belize from Belize City to celebrate the boys’ birthdays with a family day together on horseback. After we spent a short time getting to know our horses and our guide, we were on our way.  Before long, against her wishes, Jessie’s horse took off and was very quickly, really moving.  My horse seemed most pleased that I was intent on catching up to her and before long, was at a full run – no vertical motion – just pure speed.  It was not a little exhilarating and, in my mind, I was formulating a foolhardy plan I knew I would not carry out, to leap from my horse while galloping at two-hundred miles per hour, to Jessie’s horse and save my daughter!  I could see up ahead, that the trail/road we were on came to a T.  I was not a total novice horseman, but did lack considerable experience.  As I tried to get my horse to slow down, he seemed to go even faster and I remember my Mariners baseball hat flying off my head.  I remember thinking to myself “When we get to the T, will he turn left, right or jump right over the fence?”
 
And then, the moment that would change my life forever came when my horse turned quickly to the left.  Before I fell, I remember feeling like we had not slowed down at all and was sincerely concerned that I was not in control.  I must have blacked out somewhere between the back of the horse and the rocky, dirt trail that interrupted my descent. I don’t remember anything from that moment until after being awakened from a medically induced coma days later.  But now, let’s go back to six weeks after the accident. 
 
3
“What’s up with this cat?” 
In July 2010, Lynn and I were talking one morning as we often did.  We were both reeling from the most traumatic experience either of us had ever had and recalling some of the events from the past month and a half.  And then as Lynn lovingly, carefully and somewhat playfully informed me that there was not a cat in my hospital room, I experienced a massive collision of The Matrix, Shutter Island, Fight Club, Donny Darko and my walk across the soccer field in high school.  What is real? 
 
One day sometime after coming out of the ICU, the air conditioner in my hospital room stopped working.  As a nurse wheeled me into a new room, our doctor, Dr. Cervantes (the only neurosurgeon in Belize) was already there.  I found it a bit odd that there was a cat sitting in the chair next to my new bed. I can still vividly remember the cooing sound it made as it gracefully leaped off the chair to the floor.  I remember mentioning to Dr. Cervantes that I was aware that, of course, this room was not sterile, but saying “what’s up with this cat?”  As clearly as I can remember the cat, I can also remember the peculiar look that Dr. Cervantes gave over my left shoulder to where Lynn was standing. 
 
When, weeks later, Lynn told me that there was no cat, I didn’t believe her. I remember the cat so vividly today that I sometimes harmlessly still wonder if the cat was, in fact, actually there. As it turns out, there were more than a few other events that had certainly occurred during my two and a half weeks in the hospital – that I was now being told, didn’t actually occur.  What is real?
 
4
“My journey…had received a greater sense of gravity” 
For over two-years, anti-seizure, anti-psychotic, anti-depressant, and anti-pain drugs aided both in reconnecting broken neural pathways and in reconciling an injured brain to a life well underway.  Elements of those healing processes remain to this day albeit without most of the meds.  I also continue to make progress in my curious quest for a greater understanding on things real, things imagined, things suppressed, things contrived, things suggested and things forgotten. By perhaps five years after the accident, I was coming to the place where I had a much better understanding of some of the strange, unhealthy and destructive behavior I had engaged in since the accident.  From the perspective of now, looking back to when I just began to connect my perception of what had been going on with the actual facts, my journey to understand the complexity surrounding reality had received a greater sense of gravity.
 
Like the confidence I had that there was indeed a cat, I had a firm belief that even early on, I was much further along the healing process than it turns out that I actually was.  I said and did things that for which, whenever possible, I have since asked forgiveness. I came to realize that I had hurt people with my words and especially the way in which they were said.  It is likely that there are others that I hurt that I remain unaware of.  Jessie coined the term “mad zone” which turns out to be a very appropriate label.  I was not physically angry but when I was in ‘mad zone’, everyone knew it, except for me.  Lynn would declare a “blue light day” and staff on the YWAM campus in Belize knew exactly what she meant. 
 
As the years passed, periods of ‘mad zone’ started to become more limited to incidents and I began to become more aware of them – and would eventually be able to, for the most part, control them.  Today, they are rare, but still surface from time to time. 
 
5
“Lynn deserves accolades far greater than is possible” 
Next to The Lord as the hero of this story, Lynn deserves accolades far greater than is possible.  In the midst of co-leading a thriving YWAM campus, and in the middle of a DTS school she plans a fun, family adventure to celebrate two of her kids’ birthdays.  Not long after they mounted their horses, her daughter and husband take off at high speed.  After a short time, up ahead in the distance, she can tell that something is wrong.  As she and the boys get closer, Lynn can see her daughter crouched and leaning over her husband who is seemingly lifeless in the dirt.  A million thoughts must have filled her head: “what happened?  Are they okay?  Chris is not moving. Is he dead?  Jessie is crying, is she hurt too?  What happened?” Lynn and the kids do their best to assess the situation; it looks bad.  A cell phone is used to call the driver of the van that delivered Lynn and her family to where they would begin their ride from where they parked their rented vehicle.  Surely there was much confusion as every available emotion vied for attention. By the time the van arrived, although he was totally out of it, he was alive, eyes sort of open and although mostly unintelligible, tried to speak.  The question at hand now, was how to get Chris into the van, he’s not exactly small and easy to move.  Lynn tells Chris, “we are going to go to the hospital now”, to which he replies, “you guys go ahead, I’ll just stay here.”  Somehow, Lynn kept it all together.
 
Since I have no recollection of them, I could not do justice to the very many details of what occurred and what she went through in the hours and days following the accident.  I know from listening to Lynn and the others who were involved and by reading the excellent log that Lynn kept of all this, that the first stop was to the closest medical facility, a small clinic in Western Belize not far from the border with Guatemala. I am told that I didn’t like the catheter at all – and that for the most part, I was rather uncooperative.  I know that some tests were done but mostly, the thought at the time was to get me to Belize City as quickly as possible, since things did not look good. 
 
It is difficult to even imagine the turmoil that was going on inside of Lynn in the midst of all that was happening on the outside.  When the ambulance arrived at Belize Healthcare Partners, one of two private hospitals in Belize at the time, the chaos we had become quite familiar with by living and serving in developing nations continued right on through the hospital doors as I was rolled into the ER. 
 
At this point, Lynn did not know if she would soon be planning a funeral or a party.  The next few days were excruciatingly difficult for Lynn.  Many tests, CT scans, MRI’s, were preformed revealing that I had two occipital skull fractures and my brain had tears, was bleeding and swelling dangerously.  The medical team in Belize, in close consultation with Lynn, decided to place me in a medically induced coma. 
 
The big decision before Lynn at this time was whether to remain in Belize, or relocate the medical venue to the States where care is far superior.  Related to the possible air evacuation, Lynn faced many decisions, mountains of paperwork, a very significant financial need (miraculously met), a YWAM campus to run, three kids to sort out, and not the least important – the fact that I was in a coma at the time.  Lynn spent much time on the phone with trusted friends in the medical community and with prayer warriors.  As Lynn described the care I was receiving, both Bud Busby, (a good friend and anesthesiologist we know from Mercy Ships), and Chief of Emergency Medicine, Dr. Chuck Pilcher, (a good friend from our sending church in Washington State), saw no red flags were raised and they both felt the care I was receiving seemed to be sound but agreed that the care in the States would be better. 
 
Just as all the preparations for a medical evacuation flight were complete and about to be put in motion, Dr. Cervantes shared with Lynn that my condition had improved and he wanted to awaken me from the coma, and recommended that we remain in Belize rather than evacuate to the States.  He felt that, all things considered, that would be the best course of action.  Lynn agreed and we did not go to the States at that time. 
 
The next two weeks brought gradual improvement and I can remember some of what occurred during that time, especially some of the events that ended up not actually happening.  What was actually happening however, was that I was agitated, confused, and far from pleasant to be around – at times downright mean.  I was not dead, but I was not myself.
 
 6
“Thousands were praying from all over the world” 
One of the most significant phenomena enveloping this season of uncertainty was, and continues to be, the place of prayer.  Lynn spent hours communicating with countless people, writing regular Facebook posts, seeking prayer, and crying out to the Lord. Through her efforts, and God’s leading, thousands were praying from all over the world. Someone in particular who has significantly impacted our lives is our friend Nancy Frederick. She has inspired and encouraged us, spoken into our lives, and consistently pointed us to Jesus.  Lynn and Nancy spent good time over the phone together while I was in the hospital and she prayerfully spoke powerful words over the whole situation and for Lynn personally.  Nancy’s prayers along with those of very many others, surely ushered in the hand of God in my healing and gave Lynn the strength and encouragement she needed to get through this horrific ordeal. 
 
7
“…irrationality he saw in his father…” 
Jessie, our youngest, was here with us in Kona for a time recently.  She and I talked a bit about the past ten years.  She was 14 when we went horseback riding and for a lot of her growing up, was unsure if her dad was going to have a good day or bad, good moment or bad – always in the process of healing but often not fun to be around.  I can only imagine how unsettling that would have been for her.  When I talk with Josh, he talks about what it was like for him to see the different ways people handle conflict.  He also empathetically cogitates what it must have been like for me.  Will (Cameron) our oldest, reflects on the past ten years recalling times of uncertainty he experienced, wondering how to respond to the uneven rationality he saw in his father.  Again, looking back, what my family went through would not have been at all easy.  I am so thankful for their love, support, patience, and closeness as our family remained tight through it all.  It is fascinating to consider that Lynn and the kids understood me and the reality of the situation far better than I did, and perhaps still do. 
 
8
“I am not a basket case – at least I don’t think I am” 
Physiologically, I have a traumatic brain injury (TBI) with five encephalalgic voids in my brain (encephalalgia is the process of damaging or destroying tissue as blood recedes from an area where it has accumulated).  These small areas of dead tissue are scattered throughout my brain which have affected or are affecting balance, emotion, taste, decision making / inhibition, and anxiety.  Cognition in general was not affected. In fact, beginning a little more than a year after the accident, I went back to school (mostly online) and in five years, had received two different graduate degrees. The teaching and travel part of my work with YWAM were eventually, again running at full speed. I am excited to have recently visited my 102nd country on this planet.   I had an MRI about five years ago and then another just recently revealing nothing appreciably different with the physical state of my brain between the two scans. 
 
My mind however, is far from remaining constant.  I am not a basket case – at least I don’t think I am.  I am rational, reasonable, and responsible – at least I think I am.  I am alive, somebody say hallelujah – I am pretty sure that I am alive.  I know myself to be an enigmatic mash-up of thinker/doer, and I think perhaps more of both as a result of the accident.  But I’d say the thinker part has become more dominant.  I have noticed an interesting change in the way I think and see things in that I see connections I don’t believe I had noticed before.  For example, picture an hour-long conversation with a group of people consisting of a number of topics. Now, If I am part of that conversation, I will see the relationship between the different topics and unthinkingly connect or readdress them to make or reinforce a point.  Interesting.
 
9
“If you’ve ever studied and pondered Plato’s Cave Analogy…” 
Whenever my mom, dad and I have the chance to be together, we (particularly my dad and I) very much enjoy taking time to deeply into one interesting topic or another. One day a few years back we had such a conversation and drew some fascinating comparisons, made observations, and posed questions such as “what is the difference between the brain and the mind? Is understanding the brain, science – and understanding the mind, mystical?  Where does neuroscience stop and matters spiritual start? Surely a consideration of the mind goes well beyond psychology. Surely talk of synapses, gray matter and neural impulses ultimately transcend that which can be quantified.”  I love my dad.  This conversation with him fit seamlessly into much I was thinking about at the time, and now, as I ponder the deeper elements of what has transpired over the past ten years.
 
What does it mean to think?  Was Descartes on to something? I am finding myself exceedingly drawn to matters philosophical, particularly the metaphysical.  If you’ve ever studied and pondered Plato’s Cave Analogy, or are familiar with some of Nietzsche’s ideas on perspectivism, you’ll know what I mean.  I look at the following list of ideas related to being and reality (from the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy) and nod, “yeah…”
 “Being is; not-being is not” [Parmenides];“Essence precedes existence” [Avicenna, paraphrased];“Existence in reality is greater than existence in the understanding alone” [St Anselm, paraphrased];“Existence is a perfection” [Descartes, paraphrased];“Being is a logical, not a real predicate” [Kant, paraphrased];“Being is the most barren and abstract of all categories” [Hegel, paraphrased];“Affirmation of existence is in fact nothing but denial of the number zero” [Frege];“Universals do not exist but rather subsist or have being” [Russell, paraphrased];“To be is to be the value of a bound variable” [Quine].This is a short and far from exhaustive list representing but one of many strains of thought that has gained my attention.  This leads me to ponder the fact that I am one person, and there are nearly eight billion others living on this planet – what has their attention?  Is their perspective on what is real more valid than mine – even though I am not entirely sure how to define my perspective; can they?  What is your perspective on what is real?
 
10
“Is reality like truth in that there are varying degrees of it…?” 
Everyone has opinions.  I submit there is no such thing as truly unbiased.  My objective in this section is neither to share my opinions nor attempt to persuade you in any way.  What I hope to get across is the interesting relationship between my ponderings on reality as a result my experiences during and since the accident ten years ago and the way I feel when I watch the news or surf the Internet.  Is this real?
 
Many of the questions I was asking nine or ten years ago had to do with whether thing actually took place or had brain damage and Demerol magically invented a new form of reality just for me.  Some of the questions I ask myself now, related to current events, various movements, politics, social justice, and a host of others, are not all that different.  It is interesting to explore the relationship between what is real and what is true. Coronavirus for example: The virus is real, but what is true about the worldwide pandemic the likes of which no one alive has ever seen.  Statistics, information, facts, restrictions, politics, money, death, economies, fear, trust; how does one reconcile all of this? 
 
Another form of virus also in the news right now is defined variously by whichever banner is flying most prominently.  When the black criminal Floyd, was unjustly killed by the white police officer Chauvin, all hell broke loose.  Emphatic about remaining on track, I ask, “what should we think about all this?  In reality, the killing surely took place but what is really behind all the emotion?”  Go deep with me on this.  What is true, what is real beyond the facts of the matter?
Was it really race related?  What is racism; really? What is white privilege; really? Is Colin Kaepernick, actually right?  Is there an agenda behind all the violence? Is the reaction justified?  What’s up with Antifa? Is there an issue below the surface that influences that which we are aware of?  What’s up with the media? Can we trust it? What/Who is the media? What is real?  What is spin and what is strait?  We could easily expand this list of questions and fill volumes. 
 
In summary, more deep questions.  Of everything that we are aware of, which things are real? Is reality like truth in that there are varying degrees of it in any given situation? The best lies, for example, have plenty of truth mixed in so they will be believable. What should have our attention and what should we ignore, what should bring peace and what should stir us up? 
 
The word “should” brings up another exhaustive list of questions. Before I accidentally go there, let’s bring these thoughts of the past ten years to a close.
 
11
“…all things work together for good; somehow…” 
Okay, I’ll come back to reality now. I didn’t die in the accident ten years ago.  I love being alive! I love my wife, my family, my purpose in life.  I love my God.  I do not believe that everything happens for a reason, but I love that in Christ, all things do work together for good; somehow; one way or another; even when we don’t see it or imagine that it is possible. Looking back over the past ten years, my heart is not filled with pain, anguish, discouragement, frustration, and anger.  Those things have had a part, but a long time ago I stopped asking “why?” in favor of “what for?” Falling off the horse and everything surrounding that moment in time is part of my history.  It affected a lot of people in a lot of different ways.  It has certainly affected me, and not only for the worst. I have come to the place where I know there was no cat, but what it has taken to get there is profound and filled with pondermentation. 
 
Maybe I’ll expand on all this and actually write someday.  Perhaps. Thank you for reading this.  Thank you for being a real part of my life.  May God richly bless you. 
 
I’ll leave you with this: In your own quest to understand reality, may you see God for who He really; meow. 
 
Chris Toney
17 June, 2020