A mixture of emotions swirls around you in a constant state of chaos, like a storm raging as it passes through. It is hard to grasp and yet be totally amazed at how your mind can hold to a state of quandary: simultaneously opposing thoughts and emotions while your heart and soul try to make sense of it all.
We are at day 34, a month and a few days have now passed since Josh’s departure. Uncertainty, unknowing and unclarity are present companions to us both.
As I sit, frankincense streams out of the diffuser; gifted to us in our time of need. Used for grief the scent is comforting and calming in the midst of the storm. We are reminded of the 3 wise men who came to bring gifts to the King. We too, ask for wisdom with each day that passes. We also have received the “gift” of God’s tangible presence; the gift of unceasing prayers, text messages and emails from all over this vast world. Words and thoughts can never truly convey how much these prayers have meant and will continue to carry us in the days ahead. Thank you…
On a clear night, often times we will look up and ask the question “do you see the same stars we see tonight?” Vacillating between two opposing and clashing thoughts: the possible reality that you are dead is gut wrenching, while still having hope that you are alive and wanting to live an “off grid”, adventuresome life (as you have done your whole life) while living off the land. These two realities are real possibilities and very tangible. The truth is, we may never know the answer to the question “where is Josh?”…
Can we stay in hope? Yes. Can we trust the Father when there are no answers? Yes. Can we live life with not ever knowing? Yes.
Sadly, we have no news to report. Official search and rescue is done. Volunteer search and rescue (activated 2 weeks ago) have no news. Our nephew Kyle (who is an avid hiker) and his friend hiked up to 5 of the 7 valleys, finding nothing. Police have no leads.
A friend shared, very profoundly, that she has “never used this sort of prayer muscles before….”
As believers, we know how to pray for those who have cancer, for those in difficult relationships, or hard family situations but this, like so many of you have expressed, this is new. We do not know nor have we ever experienced someone we know personally going through “a missing person” scenario.
We are all trying to learn how to pray, what to pray, for this season of unknown. When we don’t know what to do, pray or say… we simply can say, “but you know Lord.”